I heard this saying and it has stuck with me since: “hurt people hurt people”.
A person who has been hurt and didn’t come out on the good end would hurt someone else, even without knowing.
This is why some relationships are unhealthy. Physical abuse, mental abuse and emotional abuse prevail in many relationships. The ones who cause this abuse are sometimes products of unhealthy relationships which mostly cost by love at sight physical attraction and so the trend is passed on by them.
They might not even realise that the other person is hurting. But they are. And it should not be.
A typical story
A loved B. B loved A back. A and B began dating. As their relationship grew, B discovered that A could not control his anger. One time when they were arguing, he raised his hand to hit her. Another time, he did hit her. And apologized later. But…
It is unacceptable.
It is unhealthy for the other person’s mental health. The other person’s life may be at stake.
Different varieties and ranges of this story happen in many relationships.
The B isn’t always the female, likewise A.
It may even seem to be a norm but it isn’t. It’s far from being normal though it’s prevalent.
How do you know it’s Unhealthy?
If you doubt that your relationship is unhealthy, answer these questions:
Does a part of you doubt your doubt that your relationships unhealthy?
Are you concerned for your safety?
Has your partner ever abused you physically? Does he/she hit you or bring you down with their words?
Does your partner have trouble controlling their rage?
Do you both have disagreements very frequently?
Does your partner control you by telling you where you can’t go, who you can’t be with and what you can’t do?
Does he/she try to control you by threatening to do something like tell your secrets to someone else or hurt themselves or you?
Does your partner drag your name on the floor in the presence of others?
Does your partner force you to do things against your wish?
Does your partner abuse drugs or alcohol?
Do your friends and family worry about your relationship?
If your reply is ‘yes’ to any of the questions, your relationship is unhealthy.
All relationships experience friction from time to time but it should not be putting your emotional and physical health at risk.
How To End An Unhealthy Relationship
- End it: Make a resolve to end it. You deserve to be respected and treated right. It won’t be easy but your determination would see you throughz you just need to decide on your choice.
- Build a Safety Net: Your friends and family would help you get through. Involve them in any way you think they can help. They can be your cheerleaders when you don’t feel like going through with it anymore. Build your safety net ahead of its need.
- Break it off entirely: End it at once, not little by little. And give each other space. Don’t bring up a friendship immediately. You both need time to get over things.
- Engage yourself: After your break up, you would have more free time for yourself. Engage this free time in positive activities. Spend more time with your friends. Read books on personal development. Enrol in a gym. Go sightseeing. Breathe. You’ll make new memories, meet new people and build your friendships.
Relationships are fun and they help us all go through life a lot easier. But if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, life becomes harder and more negative.
Consciously choose to build relationships with positive people and cut ties with negative people.
If you’re the negative person, seek help from professionals who specialize in psychology. Read personal development books. Heal.
If you don’t heal from your hurting behaviour, people would continue to get hurt by you.
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