Have you noticed that most idols and even mortal gods are likened to the male species?
That observation aside, let’s come to the real deal which is the society we live in, so that it wouldn’t be like gender discrimination. Our society has a strong influence on our mentality, as we are its inhabitants. It’s like a stamp. Whatever society sees wrong or whoever the society blames, that’s the way it’s going to be.
Unfortunately for us, the African society is significantly one sided when it comes to dealing with men and women. Though, things are gradually changing. I term our society as a place where men are gods.
Now, I don’t know if the limitations of women started from our ancestors or our fore fathers, but, Africa has not been favourable for women when it comes to some of the beliefs, traditions and even the acts of the inhabitants of the society. Yes, a man is the head of the home and maybe, the head of the land. Agreed. The point is, a man shouldn’t be glorified. Yes, he is a protector and a provider and he should be given accolades for that. Absolutely. But, he shouldn’t be magnified that we look away from his wrong doings.
A man should be told he is wrong when he is wrong. A man should be given the required punishment when he is found guilty. But no, in the real African society, the man is not reprimanded when there are issues involving a woman.
He is not blamed neither is he pointed at. It is the woman that is rebuked and insulted, she is the one that cannot respect herself, she is the one that is disgraced and she is the barren woman, even when her husband is struggling with low sperm count. No, the man is blameless. They are sure he had good time with his wife, they are sure he fitted in the right positions. She is the one that should get herself checked, as she might have spiritual problem.
A society in which the man can do most of everything he wants to do while his wife, the woman has to endure. I know you will say I’m exaggerating, but, I put it to you that these issues are brewing right in our homes. These things are what some of our mothers go through in the hands of their husbands and their extended family.
The fact that you are educated doesn’t exclude the little influence of the society in the way you think. You still follow some limited beliefs and traditions of the society, you still act akin to the way the society wants you to act. We re not fully free from societal influence, we might never be. Let us see an instance. A man who has been cheating on his wife for two years was caught with his mistress.
Can you figure out what happened? The wife left her husband who is the main culprit and turned to attack his mistress, calling her all sorts of names while trying to strip her naked, as if she dragged her husband from his matrimonial home to have a nice time with her in her house.
Why can’t the husband control his hormones? No, the mistress is to blame as she was not trained well by her mother and she wants to destroy a peaceful home. Are you sure she is the only person your blameless husband has been sleeping with for two years or there are others?
After four days, the wife forgives her husband and tries to bring her family together. As they say, ‘he is your husband, you have to endure no matter what’. How about he takes the required punishment for cheating on you? All good, let’s shift our focus. The wife goes to her female friend to explain the ordeal with her husband to her, implying that she does not know where she went wrong and seeking for her friend’s advice.
Instead of supporting her as a woman first and then, a friend, she body-shames the wife first, telling her it is because she looks like a sack of potatoes, that’s why her husband decided to find solace in a university girl (mind you, the wife might not actually look like a sack of potatoes) or it is because she is not pretty and has a small backside, that’s why he did what he did. Please, I am a hundred percent sure he took a critical look at his wife before he married her.
I am sure he knew she did not have a pretty face before he married her. And if she was looking like a sack of potatoes, what would it take him to tell her to go to the gym and burn some fat off?
There are many fitness workout routines and there are more specific ones for a firm backside. Would you tell me he does not know about these things? I’ve started concluding that cheating is premeditated by men. They only try to look for flimsy excuses to justify their actions. It’s ok for the man to do something very bad and the woman forgives, while it is not ok for the woman to do something really bad and the man forgives. A woman is subtly limited to the home, even to this day.
The day men start taking responsibilities for their actions and the day women start speaking out, telling the man he is wrong when he is wrong is the day we would find solace. God did not create only women to suffer.
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